My STEPPIES journey.

Life didn’t go as planned. Family life changed. Hearts hurt.

My first wife died of metastatic breast cancer in 1999.  The preceding 2 years had been arduous, every day was a struggle to keep my wife as comfortable as possible, get her to the plethora of hospital appointments she needed and keeping my children as happy as I could whilst trying to run my own chiropractic practice.

By the time she died I was only 36 but I had that uncomfortable mixture of being on my knees with stress and exhaustion but relieved that her suffering was finally over.

BLENDED

New connections and courage emerges. You choose to love again.

My first attempt at a relationship was an unmitigated disaster. It was far too soon but worse than that she was viscous and vexatious old girlfriend from my teenage years, a favourite of my mother’s, that she ‘accidentally contrived’ to bump into.

By the time I exfiltrated myself I was resolved to stay single until my youngest son was 18 - I would be about 50 by then but I wanted to minimise any further risk to my children.

Then, when I was at my most stubborn and resistant, an unexpected vision of loveliness walked into my life - changing it monumentally for the better.

MENDED

Healing happened. A new family is bonded together.

All 6 of us, my newly evolving family, were away on holidays in Ireland when I proposed to Tracey and everyone was delighted.

Driving to our favourite restaurant my then 7 year old son asked if he could call her ‘Mum’.

This was not something we had discussed, so I did the only thing I could - carry on driving and pretend I hadn’t heard anything!

Her response was very kind and considerate ‘I don’t think that would be very fair to your Mum but I will do my very best to everything I can to be your Mum’

I thought this was absolutely brilliant and made me love her even more.

Then, after a pause that seemed like an eternity, my eldest son said ‘OK, I understand but can we call you Steppie?’

A legend was born.

SPLENDID

Today you’re thriving. Your stepfamily is your achievement, your pride, your community.

With the care and dedication of a gifted neurosurgeon Tracey untangled the log jam of emotions that my life had become - she set me free to live the full and active as a father, step-father, husband and chiropractor that I was now able to immerse myself in and enjoy.

I know that the children all revelled in her maternal instincts and were becoming fulfilled by their new life.

I could see that she was radiant with joy in her new vocation- I would say she was absolutely Splendid if it didn’t sound too much like a posh idiot.

 

WHY CREATE S.T.E.P.P.I.E.S?

Over the past 20 or so years as a S.T.E.P.P.I.E.S family there have been numerous times where we have been discriminated against - mostly low grade irritation but the cumulative effects led to a feeling of being suboptimal or ‘broken family’.

I was screaming inside that we had done something absolutely incredible - that we deserved recognition for bringing a ragtag bunch together and forming something beautiful from a difficult start.

There were 3 things that I wanted to achieve -

1) to bring an understanding of S.T.E.P.P.I.E.S to the world.  Conventional families are like cake with distinct layers that are defined and recognised.

S.T.E.P.P.I.E.S are like Eton Mess - different every time with no preconceived shape or structure.  Both are perfectly acceptable desserts.

2) to use the ‘negative space’ that is the preconceived idea of stepfamilies in a positive way -that’s why the S.T.E.P.P.I.E.S logo uses negative space to convey our message.

3) to define the single factor that brings stepfamilies together.  I have been really surprised that there is a relative shortage of research into stepfamilies and I believe that part of the reason for that is that they are hard to define.  
For me the common bond of all S.T.E.P.P.I.E.S is the journey.

BROKEN - BLENDED - MENDED - SPLENDID

THIS IS AN ACHIEVEMENT THAT SHOULD BE RECOGNISED AND CELEBRATED.