My S.T.E.P.P.I.E.S journey.
MY S.T.E.P.P.I.E.S. JOURNEY
BROKEN
My first wife died of metastatic breast cancer in 1999. The preceding 2 years had been arduous, every day was a struggle to keep my wife as comfortable as possible, get her to the plethora of hospital appointments she needed and keeping my children as happy as I could whilst trying to run my own chiropractic practice.
By the time she died I was only 36 but I had that uncomfortable mixture of being on my knees with stress and exhaustion but relieved that her suffering was finally over.
BLENDED
My first attempt at a relationship was an unmitigated disaster. It was far too soon but worse than that she was viscous and vexatious old girlfriend from my teenage years, a favourite of my mother’s, that she ‘accidentally contrived’ to bump into.
By the time I exfiltrated myself I was resolved to stay single until my youngest son was 18 - I would be about 50 by then but I wanted to minimise any further risk to my children.
Then, when I was at my most stubborn and resistant, an unexpected vision of loveliness walked into my life - changing it monumentally for the better.
MENDED
All 6 of us, my newly evolving family, were away on holidays in Ireland when I proposed to Tracey and everyone was delighted.
Driving to our favourite restaurant my then 7 year old son asked if he could call her ‘Mum’.
This was not something we had discussed, so I did the only thing I could - carry on driving and pretend I hadn’t heard anything!
Her response was very kind and considerate ‘I don’t think that would be very fair to your Mum but I will do my very best to everything I can to be your Mum’
I thought this was absolutely brilliant and made me love her even more.
Then, after a pause that seemed like an eternity, my eldest son said ‘OK, I understand but can we call you Steppie?’
A legend was born.
SPLENDID
With the care and dedication of a gifted neurosurgeon Tracey untangled the log jam of emotions that my life had become - she set me free to live the full and active as a father, step-father, husband and chiropractor that I was now able to immerse myself in and enjoy.
I know that the children all revelled in her maternal instincts and were becoming fulfilled by their new life.
I could see that she was radiant with joy in her new vocation- I would say she was absolutely Splendid if it didn’t sound too much like a posh idiot.
WHY CREATE S.T.E.P.P.I.E.S?
Over the past 20 or so years as a S.T.E.P.P.I.E.S family there have been numerous times where we have been discriminated against - mostly low grade irritation but the cumulative effects led to a feeling of being suboptimal or ‘broken family’.
There was always the niggling prospect of being undermined by someone and in all honesty I thought the most likely candidate to do this was going to be my wife’s ex-husband but the perpetrator was completely unexpected.
My brother wife aided and abetted by his absolute cowardice to confront her over her actions.
I was screaming inside that we had done something absolutely incredible - that we deserved recognition for bringing a ragtag bunch together and forming something beautiful from a difficult start.
There were 3 things that I wanted to achieve -
1) to bring an understanding of S.T.E.P.P.I.E.S to the world. Conventional families are like cake with distinct layers that are defined and recognised.
S.T.E.P.P.I.E.S are like Eton Mess - different every time with no preconceived shape or structure. Both are perfectly acceptable desserts.
2) to use the ‘negative space’ that is the preconceived idea of stepfamilies in a positive way -that’s why the S.T.E.P.P.I.E.S logo uses negative space to convey our message.
3) to define the single factor that brings stepfamilies together. I have been really surprised that there is a relative shortage of research into stepfamilies and I believe that part of the reason for that is that they are hard to define.
For me the common bond of all S.T.E.P.P.I.E.S is the journey.
BROKEN - BLENDED - MENDED - SPLENDID
THIS IS AN ACHIEVEMENT THAT SHOULD BE RECOGNISED AND CELEBRATED.